BLOGS WITH LARA
At our core we all SHINE like a diamond. But just as a diamond needs to be polished and crafted into its full potential, so too do we. This blog is to Shine the Light on where and why we maybe giving our power away. And to create new awareness to take our power back and turn up the dial on our SHINE!
11 Reasons People Don’t Own Their SHINE:
1. Tall Poppy Syndrome - it's not ok to be better
There is a very real chance that you have experienced this at some stage in your life as it’s a very real thing. So what is tall poppy syndrome? It is a social phenomenon in which people of genuine merit are resented, attacked, cut down, or criticised because their talents or achievements elevate them above or distinguish them from their peers.
To stand out in the crowd often means to be a target of people’s wrath; not an easy space to navigate. So, we will often shrink to feel safe.
2. You’re up yourself (or perhaps you’re a wanker)
Anyone else heard this being flung around labelling others? I heard this A LOT through school. I’d imagine this would be more slanted toward women (or girls) where men (boys) may have been called a wanker or something just as unkind.
These types of comments are often targeted at people who naturally shine. They aren’t doing anything to anyone, often just going about their business of shining.… only to be targeted.
So, you can imagine how as a young child this would have you want to hide your shine. And often that decision is made, and we never reclaimed our shine as an adult. And who would want to, as the memory of being a target is not something you’d want to welcome in again!
3. Unwelcome competition
What’s the first thing you think of when I share the word ‘competition’? For me it’s sports, then I think of school grades, then I think of friends and what they are achieving, the job promotion, the winning a deal… the list goes on.
We are taught to compete. We are celebrated when we ‘win’. And we are often gutted when we don’t. So as I see it one of two things happen; we either back down and don’t compete or we step it up and play even harder. Neither truly shine. Why, as life’s not a competition!
4. Underhanded snide comments
Oh this one’s a doozy. I personally have experienced this one a lot. These are the comments that are said ‘as a joke’, or ‘just banter’, or ‘to be funny’, or ‘I’m just playing’. Let’s get this one cleared up straight away - these comments are the person’s true thoughts and feelings disguised as humour.
I see these antics played out often, and when I do, again NO ONE SHINES.
5. Rejection – not everyone can handle your fire
Learning to not take things to heart, to not take things personally and to understand rejection is perhaps one of the most challenging of them all. It can hurt like hell. So why would you shine when others can’t handle the beauty of your fire, and you are rejected and don’t understand why, and take it to heart. Best to keep that fire at a simmer.
Sideline - It’s not easy for me to just share the reasons why people don’t shine... I’m busting to share the solutions. Next blog we will dive in!
6. Fakes - People telling you want they think you want to hear
People who are struggling with certain aspects of their lives, will often feel a need to prove to others who are shining that they are winning in life. They tend to over-sell themselves, to ‘convince’ you of how well they’re doing. They tend to talk a lot (about themselves) and seemingly show interest in your life only to highjack the conversation and bring it back to them. It can be received as insincere, draining and not much fun. What does this often do – drain you of your SHINE.
7. People pleasing – Playing down your shine for the comfort of others
I used to be guilty of playing down my shine, as I really wasn’t comfortable making others uncomfortable. When spending time with people who were struggling, I wouldn’t celebrate my life, in fact I’d do the opposite. Rather than saying ‘life is great’, I’d say ‘it’s good, but…’ and bring in reasons why it wasn’t great. I did this so that the person I was with would feel me as ‘the same’. And I’m sure you can read between the lines, I dulled my shine for the comfort of others. Hmm.
8. Gossip - People talking behind your back whilst being nice to your face
I think this is known as gossiping, talking behind your back, back-stabbing, two-faced… you get the drill. When we shine it can cause others to react in some strange ways. And whilst it’s nothing to do with us, it’s a reflection of the other person’s self-loathing that we become the target of.
To have been a target of this type of energy is difficult, as often people are as nice as pie to your face, even complimenting you and then they are off storytelling to others. So here we are again, dulling our shine to avoid being talked about!
9. Our sabotage patterns take over – to stay small you fit in
If there is one reason why we don’t shine that I believe everyone will identify with it’s this! How often do we stay small to fit in or stay small so we don’t have to feel our fears and emotions?! How often don’t we pursue the very thing that we desire, the things that are our calling, our purpose, our gifts, our greatness?! These are our sabotage patterns at play. Hmm enough said hey.
10. Standing out - Trying to be like everyone else, as being a lone wolf is scary
To be accepted, to feel a sense of connection, a sense of belonging is often to move with the crowd. Add to that the acute pain of loneliness and there’s a recipe for dulling down your shine.
To really shine sometimes means you have to let go of people in your life who aren’t able to meet you there. That sometimes following your call, owning your greatness means you are a forerunner leading others to do the same. The fact is that not everyone is coming with you, and there will be times you will want to dull your shine to avoid your loneliness. All I will say at this stage – you are never alone, and the world needs your SHINE!
11. Because who am I to be great… self-worth!
Everything that is listed above, reasons 1 – 10 are all threaded to our sense of self-worth. If I was to give a simple definition for self-worth it is:
"Showing up in the world as ‘unapologetically me’.
If our sense of self-worth is low, we will always dull our SHINE. In fact, our SHINE reflects our self-worth!
And I guess this is a beautiful segue into the next blog to follow - ‘11 musts to own our SHINE’, Coming to you very soon.
With love, Lara x
Author, Lara Wilson
Lara is an educator of transformation and change maker that not only provides the polish for you to shine; she also shines the light on the unspoken topics that we need to start talking about. Her unique style invites us to courageously invite change, disrupt status quo and reveal what is hidden to create profound revelations that enrich all aspect of our lives.
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