BLOGS WITH LARA
Gossip - it's a big topic often needing to be worked through in my practice, a space that can be very confusing, hurtful and hard to navigate. This blog is to help create deeper awareness and understand within this space.
There are people who gossip to destroy your character, to get others ‘on their side’, to fuel their righteousness, to feed their wound (so they stay as they are), to deflect responsibility, to feed their ego. These aspects can play at varying degrees, ultimately there’s a personal agenda when someone sets out to gossip.
On the other side of this equation, there is no longer a need to discuss another for any reason whatsoever, as one’s depth of wisdom and compassion holds solid. And it is not spoken of unless it serves for the betterment of humanity. Now that’s what I call the ultimate next level of mastery.
We don't just get there overnight, it's a process. To reach mastery level there are times of necessity to talk through a situation that has challenged you, not to gossip and destroy, rather as an opportunity to unpack what has occurred gaining growth and wisdom.
The trick here can be in choosing the right person to do this with, as the wrong person can steer you into their own agenda, and before you know it you are in the gossip mill. And often once you are in it’s hard to get out as gossip can have a powerful grip.
The great news is - you hold the power of how the conversation will go. As you will either see it as an opportunity to deepen into truth and compassion or be a part of the destructive gossip.
Let’s delve a little deeper and break this down - we are either having destructive or constructive discussions:
Below are a few examples of why people gossip and what to be aware of:
People who are working to destroy your character are often doing so as they are battling their own internal demons of insecurities, comparison, jealousy or competitiveness. If they succeed in destroying another’s character the payoff is to feel (a false) sense of superiority.
Gossipers will manipulate the conversation so they look like the obvious choice to be agreed with. People will gossip to get people ‘on their side’ so they don’t feel ostracised.
Pay attention to how people talk about other people to you in private, because that’s exactly how they talk about you to others.
People will often gossip as they are questioning their own truth… in other words, if I say ‘x’ about this person and they agree I must be right. Rather than looking to see what is true within, it’s easier to get others agreement, it’s a great bypass for what may have been a deeper truth.
Consideration - People who are intimidated by you talk bad about you with hopes that others won’t find you so appealing.
Below are a few pointers to allow the effective outcomes:
Discussing another person to allow you the opportunity to deepen your awareness, understanding and compassion to let go of the story at play can be healthy. People who trigger you are always teaching you.
Sharing from absolute integrity; in other words if I say something to another person I would also be sharing it to the person spoken of, no secrets.
A great maxim to live by - It’s not about who is real to your face, it’s about who stays real behind your back.
Sometimes situations will present when someone will ask you your opinion, it happens. Sharing openly about your experience, without ill intent and any sign of drama to allow others to make their own choices from free will… ‘this is only my opinion’. Add to that, ‘what I have learned from this is’…. now you are completely deflecting from gossip and taking ownership.. and that’s mighty sexy!
The more we work on ourselves to cultivate and embody self-worth, self-love and self-belief the less we need to gossip or to unpack conversations. We are able to better read, understand and bring compassion to the experience. There will be nothing to be discussed, in fact it will feel like a total waste of time and energy.
What also starts to develop are healthy connections that are loving and supportive, and yes at times keeping us accountable, that said holding people accountable is love, as when I’m holding you accountable I’m saying “You’re capable of a bigger game”.
A healthy and healed person does not speak ill of others.
What we need to start to do is talk to each other, rather than about each other. To own what is ours, and observe what is not. And to continue to deepen into our worthiness and compassion.
Ronald Reagan quoted: “I’ve always believed that a lot of the trouble in the world would disappear if we were talking to each other instead of about each other”... wise words.
And remember - wise choices always SHINE!
A lot of people I talk with want to learn how to manage their mind; to stop the overactive chatter, over-thinking, over-analysing, self-criticism, and self-abuse… I mean really some of what we say to ourselves is pretty abusive… in fact we would never let anyone else speak to us the way we sometimes speak to ourselves right?!
And whilst mind management techniques are key, it’s only a cog in the mechanics of what brings us peace and freedom in our lives.
There is a greater intelligence at play - the body's intelligence.
Sometimes when I share this I have been accused of being 'left'... which often just means it's not mainstream. Interestingly at times I feel the very things that are most needed and beneficial become inaccessible because of labels. As I always say, how will you know if you don't dip in your toe. I digress....
There is a science-based technology that measures the electro-magnetic field of the head versus the heart. It shows that the heart is 5000 times stronger than the head!! So really what this is saying is the body holds something pretty powerful!
Here's the thing... when we activate the heart (our feeling state) we can shift in the moment into a state of balance and renewed feelings such as gratitude, peace, joy, love and compassion... the mind rests. Imagine!
Learning to allow the body’s (heart) intelligence to lead we are essentially choosing to live by what we desire to have as our felt experience, and it we can literally change how we live and our experiences every single day.
Imagine you are striving for success, seeking love, that next promotion, that next adventure… only to get it there, hold the glory for a brief moment.. and then start seeking the next thing. There’s just no lasting satisfaction, and if there is it’s very short lived. What would it be like to be feeling good here and now and not just 'when'?!
Personally learning this has changed my life! I stopped trying so hard, stressing so much, giving myself grief, wanting and seeking for more often at the cost of my sanity, not to mention my wellbeing. Who knew there was another way?! I started living with and effortless action, purpose driven alignment, joy, gratitude.. the list goes on.
When we are living embodied (connected in mind and body intelligence) we navigate life from a different quality; one that is grounded and solid, led by our heart and not our head.
When the heart leads the mind becomes a wonderful companion and resource to an infinite source of natural wisdom and innate knowing. We are more present, connected, alive and purposeful AND our lives are so much more enriched.
Author, Lara Wilson
Lara is an educator of transformation and change maker that not only provides the polish for you to shine; she also shines the light on the unspoken topics that we need to start talking about. Her unique style invites us to courageously invite change, disrupt status quo and reveal what is hidden to create profound revelations that enrich all aspect of our lives.
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